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Notebook and Fountain Pen

Grieving a Loss

Updated: Aug 10, 2023

An Experience to Remember

Losing a loved one is never an easy situation. Especially when that person is a family member, a close family member. As some may say "Give me my flowers while I can smell them". Oh, how does that statement make so much sense now? On Wednesday, July 26th, 2023 my life changed forever. I would not have ever imagined that the news that I woke up to from my cousin would've taken place, but it did. A cousin who I wholeheartedly cared for. I care for all of my family members. But this particular cousin, He and I shared something in common. We shared the same birthday. Although we were not born in the same year, I still considered that cousin "My Birthday Twin". I was pulling into the parking lot of BestBuy when I checked my phone, and the first thing that I saw on my newsfeed on Facebook were posts about this cousin, and that prayers were needed for him at this time.

Before I went into the store, I quickly texted my cousin who I knew would know what was going on. He quickly texted me back and shared with me that He was in an accident. My heart dropped and it felt like I was in a dream and I was in disbelief. We both had just celebrated a birthday and now He is was in the hospital. I then text his mom, whom I definitely hold dear to my heart. I told her that I would be praying for her and him as well and that He was going to come out of this.

I contemplated this situation until it was time for me to go to bed, and I prayed to God asking Him to spare his life. The next morning, I woke up from my cousin and He had not too long ago texted me before the time I woke up telling me that our cousin had passed. I was in shock, disbelief. I did not understand why this happened. I did not break down in tears immediately. It took me some time to really captivate what was going on, and that He really was no longer here on earth.

It wasn't until later in the afternoon that reality finally hit me and I began to cry. My momma started her normal saying about people passing. But in my mind, I am thinking "Are you telling me how to grieve?". I do not think that she knew that I really had a connection with this particular cousin. That cousin's name was Marcus Devon Thomas. Memories began to play back in my mind of when I first met him. When I was working my first job as Cashier at Walmart, Marcus came through my life. It was not until the second time that He came through my line that I found out that we were cousins. I stayed in contact with him ever since.

Dealing with grief is a challenging thing. We all grieve in different ways, and that is okay. No one is the same, so therefore no two people grieve the same. Some grieve longer than others.

This Can't Be Real

The evening of his viewing just looking at his body in that casket just was unbelievable. Here it is, me wishing that this cousin would have his life spared by God, allowing him another chance at life. But no he was gone on to be with the Lord. I tried to hold it together at the funeral home and did pretty well until it was time to leave and I began to listen to the song from the slideshow that my cousin Ebony put together with pictures of Marcus. The name of the song was "I'll be missing you" by Diddy & Faith Evans. On the Day of the funeral, the church was packed. Coming up into the parking lot you could barely find a parking space. Marcus touched the lives of many, and even though I had not known him my whole entire life, or did not grow up with him, it felt as if I knew my cousin my whole life and it had that much of an effect on me. The service was beautiful, and at the end even seeing Marcus in that casket again was so unreal for me. I lost it, and my Aunt Felicia was right there by my side to help me down the steps as I was crying gracefully. I held it together until I got home and Lost it the whole entire evening. Tears began to fall constantly. I began to have a fit about his death. I asked God why Him, Why now? I just wanted the chance to talk and see him again. Saturday I was numb the entire evening. I cried myself to sleep. In his 34 years of life, Marcus touched the lives of many. Even looking back at my text messages and message threads on Facebook, I could tell He knew the Lord. He would always pray for me. Even when I had major surgery and I told him I made it home from the hospital. He expressed his excitement and told me "Praise God 🙌🏾 u Shame the devil errtime 💯. "

Marcus Devon Thomas (July 22, 1989 - July 26th, 2023)

2 CORINTHIANS 5:8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. Marcus, I will forever cherish our memories, conversations, and things you told me. Although I know and would desire to have you back on Earth and for God to give you a second chance at life. I know that God needed you more, and I will see you again very soon. I love you, cousin!

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Grief is something that no one experiences the same. Thanks for your transparency, and I pray God continues to give you peace and consolation. Your cousin will forever be a part of you, and writing memories and the special moments that the two of you shared will forever provide comfort in the days and weeks to come. There is no time limit for grief. We just take it one day at a time with God’s new mercies! 🙏🏽

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You are so right. You are very welcome. Thank you for your kind words Mrs. Pamela! I love you dearly.

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